Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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