my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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