So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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