Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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