Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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