So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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