I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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