His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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