We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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