i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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