Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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