it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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