I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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