I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize