6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less talking, more tequila
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize