cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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