and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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