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just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Randomize
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