in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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