You don't have asthma, your pregnant
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
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Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
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It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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