Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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