Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so that wasnt chicken after all
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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