Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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