Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me

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(702): I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me http://tfl.nu/i2q6

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.

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(920): call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing. http://tfl.nu/ctbc

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.

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(828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end. http://tfl.nu/rcny

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(727): View more from Florida

i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.

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(727): i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/7vie

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(647): View more from Ontario

I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS

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(647): I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS http://tfl.nu/1k5d

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(214): View more from Texas

Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"

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(214): Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid" http://tfl.nu/i4ng

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(315): View more from New York

I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.

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(315): I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse. http://tfl.nu/tyw2

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(204): View more from Manitoba

you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...

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(204): you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back... http://tfl.nu/izou

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(410): View more from Maryland

Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"

(1-410): View more from Maryland

How come I never meet celebrities?

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(410): Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield" (1-410): How come I never meet celebrities? http://tfl.nu/j09q

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(518): View more from New York

You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.

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(518): You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused. http://tfl.nu/8r68

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.

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(402): I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious. http://tfl.nu/b9xl

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(850): View more from Florida

My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?

(1-850): View more from Florida

It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?

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(850): My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans? (1-850): It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it? http://tfl.nu/e1h9

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.

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(901): Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn. http://tfl.nu/sdqi

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(479): View more from Arkansas

You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....

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(479): You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging.... http://tfl.nu/it7p

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(443): View more from Maryland

Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand

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(443): Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand http://tfl.nu/0tkh

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