the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize