dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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