I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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