you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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