So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize