i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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