Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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