I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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