I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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