1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize