I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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