If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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