He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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