Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize