She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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