Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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