he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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