Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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