dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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