there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize