Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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