Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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