i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize