am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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