alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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