I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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